You’d think sometimes that I’m from the 'in crowd', or a place that’s high uptown

But I’m the girl that’s been everywhere and nowhere, always up or always down.

I drive barefoot just to feel the speed under my feet,

I always sit with one leg under me, so I don’t directly touch the seat.

I smile at nothing and everything, I’m either full speed or way too slow,

I always push when a door says “pull”, and I always stop when the light says “go.”

A place in the sun or in the shade is my favorite place to be,

And if you let me I’ll make my life with you into one huge, best selling movie.

I change my clothes at least 300 times a day, and leave them on the floor,

I keep my best and cutest faces for the ones I love the most, and behind closed doors.

I dress up just to feel pretty that day, and dress down to be myself

Everything I own is tangible or snuggle-able, nothing just for show up on a shelf.

I love to read, and love to cry, love even more to do nothing at all,

Love to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling, while on a 2-hour phone call.

Everything is always a mess during the day but has to be cleaned before I go to bed,

I can’t explain why I always wear white or even why I hate the color red.

I look at pictures every day of the ones that I love and miss,

Thinking of them or being with them is nothing short of pure bliss.

I am constantly serious, but broken easily back into silliness and smiles,

I am most relaxed while driving and listening to my music loudly for miles.

I love jewelry and ultra fancy things but I don’t need it to survive,

I’m constantly fascinated by little things, like what’s the difference between a bee’s nest or a bee hive?

Giving gifts to those that I love makes me feel the happiest inside,

I have been weak and impossibly strong, and smiled when most would have cried.

I keep stupid things and little memories from almost everywhere that I go,

I’d love to hug everyone and just be close to them, and that’s something that most don’t know.

A fake, yet true blonde is all I’ve ever tried to be,

When I look in the mirror there always seems to be this weird 5’7 girl staring back at me.

To be awestruck is my favorite feeling, cause you never know what’s going to happen next, and to me, that’s the best,

To be silly to the extreme with someone is the next best feeling, cause it sets me apart from the rest.

I’m living in a hell that’s so much like heaven, every day of the week,

I love to learn new things and I love using words like “concur” and “meek.”

I will always fall for romanticism and all things that symbolize the art of loving another,

I love walks or twirls in the rain, instead of always running for cover.

I love to laugh and to sing off key as loudly as my lungs allow,

I spout off random song lyrics and quote every random TV show from the 80’s till now.

I can’t imagine my days without junk food and extremely healthy stuff too,

My bedroom is my little sanctuary, all decked out in blue.

Sunsets and sunrises are equally beautiful to me, I’m a sucker for Sinatra songs,

I have a selective memory, I remember rights instead of wrongs.

I love unconditionally and I hope I’m going to live for always,

Maybe in the hearts of those close to me, or even those who are far away.

My mind is always turning, and sometimes comes up with blonde thoughts and ideals,

I fall constantly and sometimes need an ambulance to pick me up, but so what, it’ll heal.

A walking contradiction, you mean you haven’t gotten that yet?

I’m the best and worst and most odd blue-eyed individual anyone has ever met.

I am obsessed with emergency medicine on TV and major operations of any kind,

It’s something about watching a broken person being fixed, and watching the cures that others can find.

I am the most spontaneous and planned out person that there is, everything has a place and yet no place at all,

It all falls into place and even if it might fall everywhere else, you just have to allow yourself to let it all fall.

I’m a true New Yorker and Arizonian at heart, I am in love with the east and the west,

I hide everything and lay everything out on the table for you, I’m unpredictable at best.

I’m the thing you hate to love and then the thing that you can’t help but adore,

I’m the one that gives you everything you need, but will always leave you wanting more.

I confess, I love you, and I have loved you since I can’t remember when,

Your memory stays with me and I relive every moment, time and time again.

My every waking hour I think of you, and even in my dreams, there you are,

Your smile, your eyes, your love, they keep me connected to you when you’re near or far.

We are joined at the soul, I’ve discovered, and I could never before even dream,

What it is like to love someone so completely, and that nothing is as it seems.

I am always left breathless or smiling, either of which look good on me,

I can’t imagine a life without you, the person who has made me into what I want to be.

My eyes are drawn to you, my heart much the same,

And the way that I feel for you, feels like a fire I cannot tame.

Those moments that we are apart remind me of why we are attached to each other,

It’s a love, a timeless, priceless love that cannot be stifled, hidden, or covered.

Being close to you is my home, wherever you are, you will find my heart,

And I carry the belief that our love will live on, if we should ever have to part.

I wish, when my life is done, to be a star,

So I can watch you and be seen by you, wherever you are.

For this love is an unearthly one, that brings Heaven down to us for a fleeting lifetime or two,

And if I had another chance at life I would take every chance again on you.

-Lauren Simpson
6-29-04

"The hard times, well they've come again and maybe they're here to stay,

"I've been awake for what seems like days,

My dry eyes and aching body long for rest in any possible way.

My legs won't move even if I command them to, my whole body seemingly numb,

On these restless nights all I can ever seem to do is pray for my salvation to come.

My mind wraps itself around the darkness now, dark thoughts are soon to follow,

My eyes have been open all night but are as good as closed, for behind them is only hollow.

I console myself with yesterdays good times, but those were only few,

Then my foolish heart gets in tune with my head, and in come thoughts of you.

Silly, isn't it? All these years and still the same dreams,

The ones we never talk about that end in cold sweats and screams.

Night after night I lay here and wonder "Will tonight be the night I get to rest?"

Allow me to consult everyone else on this matter, for it seems they know me best.

I am determined to end this torment, and if I fly or if I fall,

I will have beaten it and overcome this depression, once and for all."

-Lauren Simpson
11-23-03

"Maybe I could be you for a while

With all of your falsified promises and artificial smiles.

Then I could break your heart in two as you’ve done to me

Maybe then I would turn your eyes so you could finally see.

See what you’ve done, see how you tear me apart,

See that it’s time to become an adult when dealing in matters of the heart.

All the lies I’ve been told “just for my own good”

Do you see how it backfires when you commit the sins you never should?

A love now ruined, a girl so much more than alone,

Seems the former king of broken hearts can now relinquish his throne.

Just to be you for a day, in the heartbreakers shoes,

To be you for a day, and deliver constant and steady bad news.

So now I ask you from the depths of my empty soul,

Was it worth it? Are you happy now? Do you finally feel whole?

Feels so good to tear others down, you once angrily told me

I guess I was amongst a long line of your victims and not the last from what I see.

You’ve played with the most dangerous of fires and you will be burned in the end,

You get what you give and you’re not exempt, you too will receive what you send.

For now I’m just another woman scorned, another empty shell of a loveless girl,

I’m moving on this time, so when you miss me I won’t be around to take for another whirl.

Reflecting on all the smiles we’ve shared, they no longer outweigh the pain,

In fact, realizing that I can’t have those good times back is driving me slowly insane.

Tell me, can I be you for a while? Where your own happiness is your only concern,

Your own little world where you live day after day, but not once do you learn.

I’m surpassing the anger now and I guess moving into regret,

If you thought you missed me right now, you haven’t seen anything yet."

-Lauren Simpson
12-13-03

"I had my fantasies of what love should be,

That perfect fairy tale enchantment that we all see.

Then I grew up and aquired a broken heart and wanted nothing to do with the ideas that I once kept,

I gave up and felt my notions of love were all fiction, as I sat alone and wept.

The day then came, as it often does, that I met someone who proved my despair wrong,

My days were overcome with sweetness and at night I lived the lyrics of every love song.

There came a time when I could then see,

Love is not about the fairy tale that everyone expects it will be.

Love is picking me up when I fall, laughing at me when I make my many silly mistakes,

Love is getting me through the difficult times, and having the desire to do whatever it takes.

Love is those long talks that never had a purpose, and always finding time for me in your day,

Love is making it all work no matter how hard it may get, and always finding a way.

Love is a trip to get ice cream with me, when you have no ambition to go,

Love is letting me figure things out on my own without saying "I told you so".

Love is laughing about how we met, and telling stories about our pasts,

Love is beating the odds, and knowing that we will be the ones who will last.

Love is coming to see me at 2 A.M., and always doing so with a smile,

Love is knowing just when to hold me, if only for a while.

Love is all of those little notes and cards that come out of the clear blue sky,

Love is never second guessing each other and never wondering why.

Love is still being tongue tied whenever you walk into a room,

Love is always seeing the light through all of the recent gloom.

Love is saying "I'm sorry" when you've said things you didn't mean to say,

Love is watching movies together on a rainy day.

Love is always trusting each other no matter how hard it may sometimes be to do so,

Love is cheering each other up whenever we begin to feel low.

Love is producing a smile when all you want to do is weep,

Love is having 6 hour conversations when all you want to do is sleep.

Love is when on the most difficult days, we can still walk hand-in-hand,

Love is accepting the little faults and flaws and never making demands.

I've learned that love is about the little things,

It's not all fairy tales and romance and wedding rings.

Thank you for showing me what love is and what it can be,

For the first time I can love and I am loved, totally and completely."

-Lauren Simpson
8-26-03

"It seems as though the world is tumbling down,

No more smiles left to smiles, I can only wear a frown.

It is so hard to let everything go,

When all you can do is sit and say, 'no.'

I've been wondering, if I saw you in Heaven above,

Would you look like you used to, or would you look like a peaceful dove?

Should I let my spirit fly away, and soar all the way up to you,

Oh, I am so confused right now, I have no idea what to do.

Are you really here with me, or is it my dream,

This is more like a nightmare because after I see you, I feel I have to scream.

And then, depression sets in, and life is all flipped around,

And yet in my heart, I know you'd never want to see me down.

I love you so much, my heart hurts sometimes,

A song plays and I fall apart, reminding me of you and the good times.

But there's no place left to hide from this.. no place left at all,

I feel lightheaded, as if I'm going to fall.

It scares me that I'm used to you being gone, before you even are,

And yet I remember the yesterdays that don't seem very far.

I saw you as a miracle, that found its way to help me,

I see you as a love I've lost and now a memory.

I'll fall asleep tonight, thinking of you,

Then I'll wake up tomorrow, and call your house, just like I used to.

Seems like no one realizes what we had, I guess it was one of those things between you and me,

My heart skips a beat, then throbs because, to my heart, you were the key.

Oh, I love you so,

But.. this is all part.. of letting go."

-Lauren Simpson